what's the worst OKcupid/POF date you've ever been on?

My ONLY online date.

Yahoo Personals or whatever the fuck it was like 12 years ago.

Messaging back and forth with this chick. Get a pic...eh..this'll work. This is before fucking smart phones and all that. I get the nearest cross street and call her as I'm there.

"you see that driveway up on the right...take that and then your first left"
it was a trailer park. *warning bells and lights flashing*
tell myself "ben..dude..you know this is a bad idea"
dick is all SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.
k.
still talking to her on the phone. she's all "hey! I see you!"
yep. there she is. tank top. shorts. no shoes. baby on her hip.
um.
she runs over and gives me a hug.
"say hi to my little sister!"
I feel a little better. aight I can do this she ain't all that bad.
"come inside and say hi to my brothers and my mom"
goddamnit
awkward handshake and greetings out of the way.
"let's watch a movie!"
we watch My Blue Heaven
I can't take any more of awkward trailer house shenans. "uh..I gotta go to work"
ignored her calls for goddamn months.
like a year later phone call comes into the land line (remember I said this was like 12 years ago)
roommate - "Ben! It's for you!"
Hello
"HEY YOU! HOW'VE YOU BEEN! I MISSED YOU!"
my roommate is dying.

Jesus, i dont feel so bad now after reading some of these story's, worst that ever happened to me was this ghetto chick showed up with her friend and her 4 year old daughter and proceeded to have me drive them everywhere, including the liquor store, where i had to not only watch the kid in the car, but buy them alcohol because it turned out they were all under 21. Only to get invited back to the house they were living at for a gangbang with a bunch of the home boys. I was like no, no thanks, i have an appointment i have to be at, and did a 360 spin u turn in the middle of the street and took off and never looked back.

a 360 degree u-turn

Friend makes a POF account, goes to meet some bitch he met off there.

Calls me up and says she has a roommate who thinks I'm cute. I guess he showed her my facebook or some shit.

Make the 35 minute drive out there, get lost, eventually find the apartment

These two nasty bitches are living in this filthy ass apartment with no furniture. They literally had beer and an ipad in there, that was it.

They don't have cars or jobs. It's not even their apartment, it belongs to some marine "friend" of theirs who is deployed in afghanistan.

Also, surprise! They're both single mothers, and one of their kids is black and fucking hideous with a giant head.

We all get drunk, and eventually my buddy takes the one chick into the back room where the two kids are and fucks her... while the kids are in the room

I lay on the floor next to the other girl, and she starts fucking crying. God damnit. She gets up to go puke in the toilet multiple times while I think of an escape plan.

I wasn't going to risk a DUI to bail, so I fell asleep on the bare carpet next to this sloppy bitch and dipped as soon as the sun came up.

Me and my buddy went to ihop hungover the next morning and didn't speak a word about it

I most definitely would have risked it. Or slept in my car. Or drove to the nearest cheap hotel. Or the fucking Y. Fuck.

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a 360 degree u-turn

I imagine it as something like this: http://i.imgur.com/ybwjVcd.jpg

I imagine it as something like this: http://i.imgur.com/ybwjVcd.jpg

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Hahah great thread.

MORE.

Way back when I hooked up w/a guy I met at a party by hitting him up on myspace to seal the deal. He was hot, we met up at a couple different parties and had chemistry but when our work schedules finally permitted time to get down the guy just laid there. Then he stayed over and snored like a fucking herd of chainsaws. I didn't sleep at all. Then ... he had a nitrous balloon with breakfast. Wtf??? We hit up another party but he was terrible company. I met a chick who lived near me & we were planning to hang out but she died about a week and a half later in a car wreck.

It was not good. Not good at all.

terrible ending out of nowhere

Little back story, i had just been in a 4 year long relationship, was engaged, and it all went to shit literally a few months before we had planned to be married, because an old ex from like grade school popped back on the radar. At the time i honestly wasnt to upset about the whole thing, because clearly it wasnt going to work out, and to this day am more upset that i lost of friend of 12 years more than anything else. But whatever, im over the bitch, im single, i need to get back int eh saddle, so i hit up POF, OKQ, and CL.

First date i have is with this bitch i met form CL. Really cute, nice curvy body, naturally curly hair, works in engineering design (which i had done years earlier), seemed pretty good. So we talk on the phone a few times, chat on MSN, and eventually set up a date. Right from the get go, its pretty obvious that our personalities in person just dont mesh. Its starting to get awkward. And right around this time, she busts out that shes actually still married, and in the final process of a divorce. Being that the date is going no where, i ask THE question "you seem like a nice girl, good head on your shoulders, successful, good career, why would he want to divorce you?" Now im thinking she fucked the mail man or something like that. And she busts back with "well, he felt i wasnt performing my wifely duties." So im like "oh, just no spark there anymore?" And shes like "no, its just that...well...you see...um...how to put this...my husband and I are into fetishs, and well, there is a point that he wishes i would go that i am just not comfortable with, and ive told him im not, and he said that if i didnt, he would divorce me. So i guess he meant it. But the divorce is amicable, and we are not looking to screw each other over in anyway." And i said "well thats understandable, i had some friends who had some serious issues in their marriage because he was into alot of fetishs that she wasnt, and some of them made her feel very uncomfortable, and brought up some really bad memories for her, so i can get that." And shes all "no, no, no...its nothing like that, we where into, well...wet and messy fetish play." And it was at that point that i flashed in my head, and realized that her e-mail address was lemonaidegirl19@*.* Needless to say, that when we got done eating, and the waitress told us that lemon tart was the desert of the evening, and i chuckled, she said "i think we will just have our checks please", and i never talked to her again. So my first real date after my LTR is with a golden shower queen


Then a couple months later i met some chick off of CL. I knew she was a bit of a fatty from the myspace angles. But figured, what the hell. Right off the bat she invites me over to her place. So at worst i get to bust a nut, cant be all that bad, right? Oh how wrong i was. First as soon as she opens the door, my nose literally goes fucking nuts. The bitch had a glade plugin in every fucking outlet in the appartment...EVERY OUTLET! And not all of the scents matched either. I felt like i was walking into the Bath & Body Works surpluss outlet store. Upon getting over the smell, i find out shes got two kids, and an ex that harasses her constantly. Great. Warnign flags, red lights, they are all there, but im like...cumming seems like a better option than leaving. So i stick around, and we start watching a movie (Harry Potter: And the Changer of Secrets had jsut come out on DVD...i know, how romantic). We start making out, she had some amazing tits (very perky for a chubster), so i fuck them for a while, but im just not getting into it, and im starting to go limp. Because in the back of my mind im like "dear god, its come to this...FML." Shes notices im a little out of touch, and is all "whats wrong?" So i make up some sob story bullshit about how i havent been with anyone since my last relationship went south, and that im a bit nervous about it all, and im just finding it hard to let go and enjoy myself. She totally buys it, and tells me she will "make sure i get taken care of, just lay back." So im thinking, this is going to be great, i will get some head out of it. WRONG! Turns out she HATES blowjobs, and refuses to give me one. By now im like...fuck, i just want to leave, but i figure i might as well see if i can at least get this slam pig to fuck me so i dot get ball cramps. So she starts giving me a hand job, and to her credit, its still one of the best handies i have ever received to this day. Im finally starting to get into it, im fingering her pussy, shes double fisting my cock, and she starts talking dirty. Im all for talking dirty, and at first, it was totally doing it for me. I was really getting into the word play back and forth with her. And then she starts saying shit like "thats it, cum, you deserve this, enjoy it, you know you want it", which kinda ruined it, be then she went back to the normal dirty talk, and right as im getting close i say "yeah, right there im about to cum!"...and she says, serious as a fucking heart attack, "YEAH BABY! Thats it! CUM FOR ME! SHOW ME THE TREASURE!" I completely fucking lose it! Like in tears slapping the bed with laughter. She just gives me this look like, how could you possibly be laughing right now, and gets up, walks over to the bathroom, and locks herself in it. It took me a good 10 minutes to compose myself, as i quickly text two of my closest friends about WTF just happened.
Eventually, i coaxed her out of the bathroom, and she figured that since i had already fingered the shit out of her that she supposed she should let me fuck her. We fucked, and eventually i ended up putting it her in ass (even though she claimed not to like it), and cumming on her face. Then when she woke up at 6:00am to go drive her school bus (yeah that came as a shock to me too), shes all "you can hang out here while im gone." I was like, no thanks. Showered with her and left. A couple weeks later she called me back out of the blue to fuck again, and we did that regularly for about 4 months, pounding her fat ass every time. Eventually we just stopped calling each other and that was that. But to this day, "SHOW ME THE TREASURE!" has remained an inside joke among all of my friends.

rofl show me the treasure

Little back story, i had just been in a 4 year long relationship, was engaged, and it all went to shit literally a few months before we had planned to be married, because an old ex from like grade school popped back on the radar. At the time i honestly wasnt to upset about the whole thing, because clearly it wasnt going to work out, and to this day am more upset that i lost of friend of 12 years more than anything else. But whatever, im over the bitch, im single, i need to get back int eh saddle, so i hit up POF, OKQ, and CL.

First date i have is with this bitch i met form CL. Really cute, nice curvy body, naturally curly hair, works in engineering design (which i had done years earlier), seemed pretty good. So we talk on the phone a few times, chat on MSN, and eventually set up a date. Right from the get go, its pretty obvious that our personalities in person just dont mesh. Its starting to get awkward. And right around this time, she busts out that shes actually still married, and in the final process of a divorce. Being that the date is going no where, i ask THE question "you seem like a nice girl, good head on your shoulders, successful, good career, why would he want to divorce you?" Now im thinking she fucked the mail man or something like that. And she busts back with "well, he felt i wasnt performing my wifely duties." So im like "oh, just no spark there anymore?" And shes like "no, its just that...well...you see...um...how to put this...my husband and I are into fetishs, and well, there is a point that he wishes i would go that i am just not comfortable with, and ive told him im not, and he said that if i didnt, he would divorce me. So i guess he meant it. But the divorce is amicable, and we are not looking to screw each other over in anyway." And i said "well thats understandable, i had some friends who had some serious issues in their marriage because he was into alot of fetishs that she wasnt, and some of them made her feel very uncomfortable, and brought up some really bad memories for her, so i can get that." And shes all "no, no, no...its nothing like that, we where into, well...wet and messy fetish play." And it was at that point that i flashed in my head, and realized that her e-mail address was lemonaidegirl19@*.* Needless to say, that when we got done eating, and the waitress told us that lemon tart was the desert of the evening, and i chuckled, she said "i think we will just have our checks please", and i never talked to her again. So my first real date after my LTR is with a golden shower queen


Then a couple months later i met some chick off of CL. I knew she was a bit of a fatty from the myspace angles. But figured, what the hell. Right off the bat she invites me over to her place. So at worst i get to bust a nut, cant be all that bad, right? Oh how wrong i was. First as soon as she opens the door, my nose literally goes fucking nuts. The bitch had a glade plugin in every fucking outlet in the appartment...EVERY OUTLET! And not all of the scents matched either. I felt like i was walking into the Bath & Body Works surpluss outlet store. Upon getting over the smell, i find out shes got two kids, and an ex that harasses her constantly. Great. Warnign flags, red lights, they are all there, but im like...cumming seems like a better option than leaving. So i stick around, and we start watching a movie (Harry Potter: And the Changer of Secrets had jsut come out on DVD...i know, how romantic). We start making out, she had some amazing tits (very perky for a chubster), so i fuck them for a while, but im just not getting into it, and im starting to go limp. Because in the back of my mind im like "dear god, its come to this...FML." Shes notices im a little out of touch, and is all "whats wrong?" So i make up some sob story bullshit about how i havent been with anyone since my last relationship went south, and that im a bit nervous about it all, and im just finding it hard to let go and enjoy myself. She totally buys it, and tells me she will "make sure i get taken care of, just lay back." So im thinking, this is going to be great, i will get some head out of it. WRONG! Turns out she HATES blowjobs, and refuses to give me one. By now im like...fuck, i just want to leave, but i figure i might as well see if i can at least get this slam pig to fuck me so i dot get ball cramps. So she starts giving me a hand job, and to her credit, its still one of the best handies i have ever received to this day. Im finally starting to get into it, im fingering her pussy, shes double fisting my cock, and she starts talking dirty. Im all for talking dirty, and at first, it was totally doing it for me. I was really getting into the word play back and forth with her. And then she starts saying shit like "thats it, cum, you deserve this, enjoy it, you know you want it", which kinda ruined it, be then she went back to the normal dirty talk, and right as im getting close i say "yeah, right there im about to cum!"...and she says, serious as a fucking heart attack, "YEAH BABY! Thats it! CUM FOR ME! SHOW ME THE TREASURE!" I completely fucking lose it! Like in tears slapping the bed with laughter. She just gives me this look like, how could you possibly be laughing right now, and gets up, walks over to the bathroom, and locks herself in it. It took me a good 10 minutes to compose myself, as i quickly text two of my closest friends about WTF just happened.
Eventually, i coaxed her out of the bathroom, and she figured that since i had already fingered the shit out of her that she supposed she should let me fuck her. We fucked, and eventually i ended up putting it her in ass (even though she claimed not to like it), and cumming on her face. Then when she woke up at 6:00am to go drive her school bus (yeah that came as a shock to me too), shes all "you can hang out here while im gone." I was like, no thanks. Showered with her and left. A couple weeks later she called me back out of the blue to fuck again, and we did that regularly for about 4 months, pounding her fat ass every time. Eventually we just stopped calling each other and that was that. But to this day, "SHOW ME THE TREASURE!" has remained an inside joke among all of my friends.

oh my fucking god

how old was she?

p.s. you should have pissed on lemonadegirl

oh my fucking god

how old was she?

p.s. you should have pissed on lemonadegirl

Lemonadegirl was 28, the other girl was 26.


As Lemonadegirl and i were walking out to our respective cars i said, on a long shot, "hey, want to go out to a movie sometime?" kind of hoping i would get the opportunity to piss on her face, and she looked at me and said "Uh...no...", and gave me one of those condescending "im smiling on the outside but seething on the inside" kind of smiles.
To this day it bugs me what kind of PeePee Play she wouldnt do for her husband. Did her want her to drink his piss? Or pee in her butt? What?! Ive always wondered.

Lemonadegirl was 28, the other girl was 26.


As Lemonadegirl and i were walking out to our respective cars i said, on a long shot, "hey, want to go out to a movie sometime?" kind of hoping i would get the opportunity to piss on her face, and she looked at me and said "Uh...no...", and gave me one of those condescending "im smiling on the outside but seething on the inside" kind of smiles.
To this day it bugs me what kind of PeePee Play she wouldnt do for her husband. Did her want her to drink his piss? Or pee in her butt? What?! Ive always wondered.

what if lemonadegirl was her email address before they met, and she always had a piss fetish (and so did her husband, so they got married), but her husband was not only into piss, but shitting on her and stuff

why was a 26 year old taking a school bus btw

what if lemonadegirl was her email address before they met, and she always had a piss fetish (and so did her husband, so they got married), but her husband was not only into piss, but shitting on her and stuff

why was a 26 year old taking a school bus btw

Yeah, that one crossed my mind too. Maybe he was branching out from golden showers to scat? She never really got into it, and once i had that "ta-da" moment about her e-mail address, i quickly dropped the subject. In the back of my mind, i think the e-mail address should have been a dead giveaway. Like if i was into piss fetish stuff, i should have noticed that. And almost like she thought that i DID notice it. Cause she had that kind of tone to her voice when she said it, like "you know...lemonade." Whole thing was awkward. Very, very, awkward.


She was a school bus driver for a middle school. I still laugh at the thought of her saying good morning to all those kids making eye contact with them as they got on the bus, knowing full well that a cock, which was only seconds earlier in her ass, had frosted her face not two hours prior to her greeting them. Kind of the same as "you kiss your mother with that mouth" sort of deal. She was a total slore. I heard that she eventually got knocked up again and had a third kid with some dude. At least the kid popped out white. :lol: She had some jungle fever there for a while.

Jesus christ this thread makes me feel so much better about my OKCupid adventures "She was 100lbs heavier in person than in her pics" is as good as I've got.

Yeah, that one crossed my mind too. Maybe he was branching out from golden showers to scat? She never really got into it, and once i had that "ta-da" moment about her e-mail address, i quickly dropped the subject. In the back of my mind, i think the e-mail address should have been a dead giveaway. Like if i was into piss fetish stuff, i should have noticed that. And almost like she thought that i DID notice it. Cause she had that kind of tone to her voice when she said it, like "you know...lemonade." Whole thing was awkward. Very, very, awkward.


She was a school bus driver for a middle school. I still laugh at the thought of her saying good morning to all those kids making eye contact with them as they got on the bus, knowing full well that a cock, which was only seconds earlier in her ass, had frosted her face not two hours prior to her greeting them. Kind of the same as "you kiss your mother with that mouth" sort of deal. She was a total slore. I heard that she eventually got knocked up again and had a third kid with some dude. At least the kid popped out white. :lol: She had some jungle fever there for a while.

hilarious

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@Buck-O SHOW ME THE TREASURE

@Buck-O SHOW ME THE TREASURE

Still makes me laugh.

I was ~19 or so, meet girl on local forum. 18, punk, cute. Think fuckyeah.

Meet up and go window shopping. Shes a little chubby, whatevs. Still a cool girl.

Go out a second time, click a little more, start to think girl is dateable

Get a message a few days later, says shes super sorry and she has to fess up, I'm all "Oh shit, shes got gonaherpasyphilaids"

Tells me shes actually 15, and wants me to fuck her. I tell her I'd rather not go to jail.

Never talk to her again, recieve many angry texts.

I was ~19 or so, meet girl on local forum. 18, punk, cute. Think fuckyeah.

Meet up and go window shopping. Shes a little chubby, whatevs. Still a cool girl.

Go out a second time, click a little more, start to think girl is dateable

Get a message a few days later, says shes super sorry and she has to fess up, I'm all "Oh shit, shes got gonaherpasyphilaids"

Tells me shes actually 15, and wants me to fuck her. I tell her I'd rather not go to jail.

Never talk to her again, recieve many angry texts.

try to find her now that she's legal and cured of gonorrhea

try to find her now that she's legal and cured of gonorrhea

She went full fucking psycho on me for like 3 months.

She went full fucking psycho on me for like 3 months.

red x

red x

No pics bruh. Cant even remember her name.

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Sadly i dont have anymore horror stories, just a couple of strange ones, but nothing really funny or note worthy.

Met one chick on OKQ who seemed cool, but eventually mentioned she was still in contact with her ex. I was like, forget it, if youre still in good with your ex, you will eventually get back with him, I dont have time for that. She pulled the "cant we just be friends", and i said "no, because it would be a waste of my time." And stopped responding to her calls and texts. We were also friends on FB at the time, and sure as shit, not a month later, she was back with him, and complaining about how he was abusive. When my phone rang a week after her FB post, i unfriended her, and sent her a text telling her to leave me alone.

Met another girl from OKQ who was super chill, went out for coffee one evening. Talked through the night on the phone. Sent texts back and forth the next day. Then the following day she just stopped responding. So i stopped trying. Then like three days later, she sent me a message on OKQ saying "Im sorry, you just came into my life at a really weird time, and it wasnt right of me to do that, im sorry if that hurts you, i dont want to hurt anybody else." I was like, whoa, thats heavy. But her account was already deleted. And ive never seen or heard from her again.


Other than that, my other dealings on POF, OKQ, and CL have led to some long term friendships. And in fact, my current SO and I met off of OKQ. So its not all horror stories. But i will always have my treasure to share.

No pics bruh. Cant even remember her name.

Right there is where you went wrong.



I would have put her 18th b-day on my calendar and hit that shit up.